Starting the Journey Toward Healing —
You’ve scheduled your first couples therapy session—congratulations on taking this important step!
As the date approaches, you may find yourself wondering what to expect:
- What will the therapist be like?
- How will the session unfold?
- Will we be able to explain why we’re seeking therapy?
It’s completely normal to feel a little nervous. The first session is often the most difficult—but also the most transformative.
What Happens in the First Session?
Getting Acquainted
We’ll start by getting to know each other. I’ll check in to see if you have any questions or if there’s anything missing from your intake forms. Typically, I already have a brief overview of your concerns from your initial contact and paperwork, which helps ensure that I’m a good fit for your needs.
Both Partners Are Present
The first session always includes both partners. Occasionally, I may suggest a brief individual session with each of you afterward to gather more personal background—such as family history and attachment experiences—but this is flexible based on your availability and preferences.
The Goal of the First Couples Therapy Session —
The primary goal is to understand your relationship concerns—what therapists refer to as the presenting problem. We’ll begin exploring the emotional patterns and recurring challenges that brought you to therapy.
What Type of Couples Therapy Do I Provide?
I use a method called Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which focuses on the negative interactional cycle that leads to emotional distance, disconnection, and recurring arguments.
In your sessions, we will:
- Explore the surface content (e.g., arguments about parenting or money)
- Identify the underlying emotional patterns and attachment needs
- Recognize the behaviors that fuel your cycle of conflict
Over time, I will guide you in slowing down the cycle, discovering the unmet emotional needs beneath your reactions, and learning how to reconnect in meaningful ways.
What Are Emotional and Attachment Needs?
Humans are wired for connection—especially in romantic relationships. When we feel disconnected from our partner, we instinctively try to restore closeness. Unfortunately, these attempts sometimes fail and lead to more emotional distance.
As your therapist, I help identify the attachment needs and emotional strategies each of you use to seek safety and connection—so we can create new, healthier ways to bond.
Will Both Partners Get to Share?
Absolutely. The therapy process is collaborative, and each session is designed to ensure both partners are heard and understood. I will ask targeted questions and give each of you time to express your perspective on what’s not working in your relationship.
We’ll begin forming a shared understanding of your interactional pattern, emotional triggers, and coping strategies. From there, deeper healing and reconnection can occur.
How Will I Get to Know You?
Through your stories and experiences. You’ll provide content—like conflicts about chores, money, or parenting—which helps me understand the emotional needs behind these arguments.
Often, couples fight not about the issue itself, but about deeper longings:
💬 “I want to feel cared for.”
💬 “I need to know I matter to you.”
💬 “I want to feel respected and safe.”
How Do I Create a Safe and Supportive Environment?
Safety is essential in couples therapy. My role is to be non-judgmental, unbiased, and open to your unique dynamic. While I bring clinical expertise, I also listen closely and respect that you are the experts on your relationship.
Think of me as a process consultant: I guide the process, but your insights and experiences shape the direction.
When Will We See Positive Change?
Healing takes time. A negative cycle doesn’t form overnight—and neither does a new, healthier one.
Especially if you’ve been together for years, you may be carrying unresolved emotions and habitual patterns. My work as an EFT therapist is to help you:
- Recognize your negative dance
- Learn how to step out of it
- Rebuild connection and trust
With practice, you’ll learn to regulate emotions, express needs more clearly, and experience greater closeness and security with your partner.
Ready to Begin? Let’s Talk.
If you’re curious about whether Emotionally Focused Therapy is right for you, I’d be happy to speak with you.
👉 Contact me for a free 15-minute phone consultation.
📞 Call: (484) 354-1232
📧 Email: drkathleendobek@gmail.com
Let’s explore how we can work together to improve your connection and strengthen your relationship.